No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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