doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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