I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
