Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
