Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
