ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
