How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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