Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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