at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
