I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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