May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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