Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
