we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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