Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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