can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
