I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
