I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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