all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
