I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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