trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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