The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
