well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
