Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
