SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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