you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize