am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
