Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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