I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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