I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
