i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
