dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
