I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
