i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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