I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
