broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
