she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
