Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
