No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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