The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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