Sry I called you an 8
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
