Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
