The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
