The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
