I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
