I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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