I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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