Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
