is your mom at the bar?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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