omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
