I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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