How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
