What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
