i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
