i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
