I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
