We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
