There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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