Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
