I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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