IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
