I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
