Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
