we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
