weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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