her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
