He had one of those small greek statue penises
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
