I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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